Snow day.

Custer got snow.  Our kids were up digging through bins of snow clothes that I had packed away bright and early.  Our neighbor kids called and off the kids went.  Seriously think this was before 7 in the morning.  Not kidding.  

Birch Bay/ Lynden Rd., is the main road off of the freeway to our house.  I couldn't get over how gorgeous it was covered in snow.  Troy was thinking how much he just loves driving in it.

I wish I dealt better with snow, because I could live out there.

Our driveway was barely visible.  The good thing about having snow is that I can see which way the dogs have taken off too.

Ella's BFF was all ready for her own winter photo shoot.  Those girls always have so much fun playing around.  I'm so impressed with how well Leah does with photography now.

Already the snow is almost gone.  Soren and Olivia have taken full advantage of every last speck of snow.  The come in the house freezing cold and soaking wet.  I throw their things in the dryer and in front of the fire to dry out for their next adventure in the snow.  A big cup of hot cocoa is waiting to warm their bellies.  It brings back so many memories of when I played in the snow.

It's a beautiful day

 What a way to wake up!  Even all the whining from the kids, cats, dogs and guinea pigs weren't so annoying.

 I went for a drive later on and stopped at a place that I knew where the ducks were resting.

I love the look of all the birch trees when they're bare.  Of course I will tell you I love them in the spring when the bright green buds appear.  Then I say that my favorite is in the autumn when the leaves change.  

But right now, the haunting starkness of the birch forest speaks to me.  I have been heavy of heart the past week from missing my Mom.  I feel the closest with her memories when I am out in nature.

 Troy and I went to pick up the kids from the bus and took the dogs on a quick walk.  We found one of our fishing poles still on the dock.  Troy wanted to wring some necks!

 The pond is still somewhat frozen.

 It was so cold outside.  The wind was blowing making it nasty cold.  I was all bundled up, using my scarf for a tissue because the wind was making my nose run.  This is how Olivia gets of the bus.  Her coat, hat, scarf and gloves were all warmly tucked into her backpack.  I gave her a good scolding and she took off up the lane before I could even finish telling her off.  Kids!

Coming Home

 It was one of the best things I've ever done, leaving my family for a several days.  They were really excited to have me home!  They met me at the airport holding a sign and screaming at the top of their lungs.  I'm surprised we didn't get kicked out.  After they picked me up, we headed over to Steveston, BC, Canada.  It's where the filming of Once Upon A Time, is filmed.  It's a lovely little town on the coast.  The boats come in daily and sell their freshest seafood.

 Soren and Olivia weren't very impressed with these.  Olivia was doing a lot of gagging and dry heaving.  So surprised she didn't hurl.

 And yet here are more reasons why I don't eat meat or seafood.  

 It's absolutely shocking how inexpensive  everything is.  We picked up some salmon and some shrimp.

 I enjoy going to these places during the off seasons.  Its quiet and we could really enjoy the scenery.

 Hey Matt, nice beak.

So glad to be home!

Grieving

 It's so hard to write about my feelings on Mom's passing.  I need to get it out of me and express my thoughts.

I went and spent 5 days with Dad, down in Utah.  Just a couple of days before I got there, Mom's headstone was installed.  It was a couple of months early.  Jana and I were able to see it for the first time together.  It's so beautiful, just what Mom would of loved.  I was touched by all the kids names on the back of the stone.  

 More than ever, I am realizing how precious those pictures are that we take.  

 Mom belonged to a Organization called DUP.  Daughters of Utah Pioneers.  This shows that Mom was part of that group.  We all joked that she is papered.

 While I was staying with Dad we took a selfie.  

 Matt came down for my last couple of days there.  He and I picked out some flowers for Mom's grave.

As we were leaving I turned around and saw this.  I'm so glad that I caught this moment.  A respectful moment of a Son, who is grieving for his Mother.

This trip made me realize so many things, most of all how everyone deals with grief differently. 

Dad is silently, slowly getting through it.  His eyes have changed.  They're sad.  He's comforted by the belief that he will be reunited with her after he dies.  That they will live on and spend eternity with family and each other.

I'm sure each one of my siblings are dealing with it differently.  I don't believe in life after death.  I don't believe in a god.  More than anything, I hated the fact that my Mother is buried there.  

My Mother is dead.  Everyone is going to die.  That's just how it is.  I'm sad and some times it hurts so bad.

I don't need that belief of life after death to deal with grief.  I have my memories of my Mother.  For right now, I have a bin full of her sewing material that smells like her.  I have the talents that she helped me build.  My stubbornness is exampled after my Mother.

I am so thankful I had her as my Mom.

I just needed to put these last two pictures in that I came across a couple of months ago.  They are from couple of years ago.

 My Mother, carrying some dead bugs to show the grand kids.